6 Practical Tips That Help With the Chaos of Drug Use

Are you trying to get your life back in balance now that you’ve discovered your son or daughter’s drug use?

I’ve been talking with some moms recently who are concerned because their teen is either experimenting with smoking pot or drinking beer.

Other moms are stressed because their older children have continued using drugs, and have become dependent. Their lives are falling apart. 

You as well may be feeling stuck. Common feelings are feeling anxious about your child’s situation. You want the problem to be fixed so that your child will be healthy and live a healthy life.   

I’ve been there and wanted the same things for my family.

Drug and alcohol use affects the entire family. Family dynamics are always a part of the picture when trying to understand why your child’s life is taking this devastating turn.

If you are the parent of a child with a drug or alcohol issue, it is important that you take care of yourself through your child’s struggle.

“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” ~ Deborah Day

Here are some tips that can help you maintain your family’s stability during this stressful time.

Understand drug use

I know when I first reached out for help when my child was having a problem with drug use, I wanted someone to fix my child. One area that is often missed is taking time to understand what motivates your child to use.

Some questions to consider are:

• Are they using alone or with others?
• What does your child think about or feel when they are using?
• What do you think your child likes about using?

It is important to look at the family dynamics, the genetic link, the child’s environment, earlier trauma, mental health issues, and issues surrounding early substance use. These all are factors that play into why your child started down this road. When you take a closer look at what your child is going through, it will be easier to feel empathy and compassion for their situation.

Having an understanding of why the problem started in the first place lays the foundation for healing.

Take care of your body

Get out and start exercising! You can use your body to help heal your mind. Practice recovery like you want your child to practice their recovery and part of that is taking care of your body.

Go outside every day for at least 30 minutes, and allow yourself to breathe some fresh air. Walk at least 20 minutes every day or do some other form of exercise such as yoga, tennis, running, or whatever suits you. Your mind will be given a rest from the stress and worry and you may find that your best thinking comes with a brisk walk. If you want your child to be physically fit, which will help in their being able to maintain a healthy lifestyle, be physically fit yourself.

Take care of your brain

Consider taking up a meditation practice. You don’t even have to call it meditation if that is too woo-woo for you. Start small by sitting, walking, or lying down for 1 to 5 minutes a day and notice your breath. Everyone can sit quietly for one minute. Start there. If you want to know how meditation can benefit you, read 7 Compelling Reasons to Start a Meditation Practice or How Mindfulness Meditation Can Lead to a Happier Life: Meet Sandra Pawula

Meditation can heal your mind and stop all that constant mind chatter that keeps your worried, anxious and stressed about your child’s future. You want your child to give their mind a needed break,  give your mind a break as well.

Embrace a new dream for your child other than drug use

Know that the dreams that you once had for your child are going to be different going forward. Your child will never be the same and neither will you.

From my experience, you can start with a different dream for your child. This dream can be a bigger and better dream than you ever expected. Your child may grow and change in ways that you never knew was possible.

So many young people in recovery have evolved into new, confident amazing people. They have risen from the ashes to live their life with meaning and purpose. For that to happen, they need a parent who has risen from their own ashes and changed their life too!

Write about your feelings

Writing in a journal has helped me in immeasurable ways. Watch out or it may turn into a blog. Take a few moments each day to journal about how you are feeling.

A journal is a great place to get out all the anger, frustration, and fear. It can be a source of new ideas, a place to write quotes or other things that you want to remember. It is one of the keys to your inner being, a doorway to your innermost thoughts.

If your child is at a treatment center, most likely they will be writing about their experiences and feelings. There is a reason for that. Give it a try, you may find writing helps you as well.

Give your other children the attention they deserve

One last thought is that your child with drug or alcohol issues so often receives all the attention when they are in the midst of their destructive behavior. That can be center stage with the rest of the family-focused on their problems. I just spoke to a mom recently whose other children are resentful of her child with substance use issues, and this is not uncommon.

If you have other family members, especially other children, don’t cut them short of the attention they deserve.

Give them your undivided attention each day and keep their life as stable as possible. If you have an understanding of why your child has drug or alcohol issues, hopefully, that will help your other children miss this detour in their life.

Fix yourself first and then you will be in a better place to help your family.

What do you think a parent’s role is in their child’s drug or alcohol dependence? What can you do to support our children’s recovery? Share your thoughts in comments.

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By: Cathy Taughinbaugh
Title: 6 Practical Tips That Help With the Chaos of Drug Use
Sourced From: cathytaughinbaugh.com/6-pracrtical-tips-that-help-with-the-chaos-of-drug-use/
Published Date: Fri, 13 Mar 2020 15:16:21 +0000

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My 14 year old spends all his time online. Are you addicted to games? | Parents and upbringing

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My son is almost 15 years old and my only child. Her father and I separated a few years ago and they see each other regularly. My son also has a good relationship with my partner, who has been living with us for years a few years. He has always excelled in school and is a talented musician. When I was younger I was confident and eloquent beyond his years; he could make friends or talk to anyone.

I have seen huge changes in him. Before Covid, he played in a couple of groups at school and had he befriended some older children through school productions. With confinement, these friendships merged and even in school has been unable to mix with different age groups.

On the first lock, my son retired to an online gaming world and has not appeared. I am now worried about him having a gambling addiction: on summer vacation, barely out of his room, apart from food. It has virtually constant communication with other online players, but I think they are not meaningful relationships.

I try to talk to him most days about how I could prove it to re-establish connections and friendships but it usually is despicable of my advice. He has remained committed to his studies and had excellent end-of-course grades, but el the summer holidays have focused on focus his social problems and dependence on online games.

I understand your concerns. Your longest letter painted the image of a popular and brilliant boy who seems to have suffered a rift with his friendship groups and who sought solace in the games, which must seem very strange to you. Your child, like many people, gets along better in a mixed age group. You may have always had a hard time staying “alone” with your peers. Lockdown – and Covid bubbles – highlighted it.

Let’s look at the positives. I consulted psychotherapist Rebecca Harris (psychotherapy.org.uk), who specializes in gambling addiction. He pointed out that your child is still going to school, is doing well and goes down to eat, all of which is a good sign. I realize that gambling or anything that involves an online life is terrifying for many parents. But for many people it also has advantages.

“What we tell the people at the clinic to be careful about,” says Harris, “are signs that games have become problematic: someone is not able to stop or control them; they consider the game to be more important than anything else, keep playing despite the negative consequences. ”Your child does not appear to be at this stage.

“Your child is still dedicated to their studies, so they are still in the real world and can still focus on things other than games. It seems like your child is fine, then he passed a block and played a lot of games, which is not uncommon. But then he went back to school and the friendships didn’t come back. I wonder if this has more to do with his friends.

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In other words, maybe the game is filling a gap that was already there. Harris wondered if it was helpful to ask yourself almost daily what he does about their friendships. “I wonder if that underscores the fact that no one is calling him or [it seems] do you want to see it, and if that reinforces the anxiety of both of you? ”This could lead him more to seek security in his gaming world. Is there another adult who can gently check what’s going on with their child? Your father, your partner or someone else?

If you are still concerned, please contact the National Center for Gambling Disorders (email: ncba.cnwl@nhs.net), which can be referred to anyone over the age of 12 in England and Wales. . Here are two useful websites: parentzone.org.uk to help you navigate the online world; and taminggaming.com, which contains information about the games.

Each week, Annalisa Barbieri deals with a family-related problem submitted by a reader. If you want advice from Annalisa on a family topic, send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa regrets not being able to enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.

Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri, a new podcast series, is available here.

Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure that the discussion on the issues raised by the article is maintained. Please note that there may be a brief delay in the comments that appear on the site.

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